Ok if I can start with an apology. This could be a rant or #twant if I was only using 140 characters and it is going to be personal. I know that there are those who don’t enjoy Reading the bile of anothers but I have found this to be a great way of getting things out and off my chest which I hope prevents festering. So to that end I want to write about sleep, my sleep and the lack of it. Insomnia has become a part of my life to such an extent that even now as I write this at 03:36am I feel like it is normal it’s been so long since I genuanly slept through the night. The few hours sleep I do get are, in my oppinion poor quality sleep. You know the thing you wake up feeling terrible and it’s as though you haven’t slept at all. I can remember the days a long time ago when I slept so well, when I could sleep almost anywhere. I didn’t need to be in my own bed, I didn’t need to go through a set routine, there was no ritual to follow to get to sleep. I felt tired so I fell asleep end of story. It’s been so long since those days that I look back on them with envy of the chap I was. A lot of water has gone under this bridge since the days when I could sleep on a clothes line. I did get a few nights sleep recently on a family holiday, our first in a long time, several years in fact. The week we all shared together with my mother on a narrow boat on the grand union was fantastic. I ended each day happy, tired and forfilled. I noticed I was getting real tired by around 7pm so I would take myself off to bed and be asleep very quickly. And waking up at 6 or 7am naturaly was a joy which set me up for the day on the canals to come. For now we can’t spend our days and nights on a narrow boat but maybe that will change and I will get more sleep.
The effects of this insomnia are many and I could start a list of the physical and mental effects on the mind and body but that would probably just become very boring and boring is not something I want to be accused of. Needless to say they are many and varied but it’s just how normal this has become that has the most impact on my day to day life. I have been looking at the clock at 8pm in the evening and thinking well I will be asleep soon so go to bed. I drop off to sleep at around 10pm maybe later some times so a kind of normal decent time to go to sleep, and yet I will wake up around 2 or 3am for no reason other than I wake up. It’s very odd indeed and this is why I say that it has become normal because I have become use to it even though I don’t want to be used to it. I want to go to sleep at 10pm and wake up at 6 or 7am or go to bed at midnight and wake at those times. Now I have tried prescription drugs, meditation, hypnosis, and any number of other techniques that have had some limited short term relief but nothing that has been realy effective in the long term. This is the number one frustration at the moment with regard to this. When I recieved advice and practicle offers of help I have started to become skeptical of the results before I even start which will of course have an impact on the quality of the techniques results. So with that in mind I suppose I am sending out a plea to you dear readers for ideas to help with this issue. If there is something that has worked for you then I would love to hear it.
From a medical point of view I have been given zopiclone pills that do seem to help but the proviso of taking these pills is that I take no more than 3 in any 7 day period and only a supply of 7 pills is given at anyone time so I have to ration myself and then go crawling back to the doc and ask for more. Which all just adds to the stress both in general and with regard to this issue.
Ok I have enjoyed writing this little insite into my sleep problem even though I had to write it in parts over a couple of days but the feelings I had when I started writing this at 03:36am in the morning are still with me now at lunch time today. If you do read this and feel that you can offer real help and advice then please take a few moments to share what you know.
All my best to you and yours this Christmas time