Coming out the other end.

Nurse Rachet
She’s always watching

Whilst I still need to get some ACTUAL help & counselling, I seem to be on the up.  I think I have accepted the fact that I am not the man I used to be, not half the man I used to be (That might make a good song lyric) I have changed in response to circumstance & events.  It doesn’t change the fact that I have issues, who doesn’t ? but these are issues that need specialist tinkering as it’s within my skull.  Yet I seem to be, like many others, fighting a constant battle with the powers that be in the West Norfolk NHS trust to get some FaceTime with a real expert.  They are being squeezed as the pressure mounts, I understand that, but why is it that treatment is the thing that is suffering? Isn’t that the only real purpose of the organisation? To treat, not manage or administrate but treat so that the subject goes away?? rather than have people enter the system then become a part of it, maintaining it & feeding it.  Thats not what I approached them for, I don’t want to see them, by that I mean I want to be fixed / treated whatever so that I don’t have to see them!  Thats what I mean & I wrongly it appears assumed that is what would happen, I would go to an expert, that person would treat me until I was better then I would leave 7 have nothing more to do with them unless there was a reoccurrence. Well thats not how the mental health system works it seems.  I have been in their system now for almost 6 years & I’m still not fit & I am still not getting FaceTime with an expert, even though I have a written pledge from the CEO of the NHS Trust & my local MP which has been broken.

I don’t feel animosity towards the nurses who have to work within this vile system its the management of it that I object to.  The only exceptions are those who made promises which they didn’t follow through. The ones who lied to me. The ones who strung me along & took the hour I was with them to sit back, switch off & do that “active listening” thing where they make all the right noises & nod etc but they aren’t really taking anything in.  I recognise it because I have done it in the past, I hate the fact that I did it but at the time it was all I could think of to cope.  maybe thats what these people are doing to me, which is why I hate it because I have done it & its wrong. Now I have been on the receiving end I understand more about how off putting & offensive it is.

Well I will do my best in everything I try to achieve from now on, got to try to stay focused on ONE THING AT A TIME.

Just one thing.

The moment.

now…….

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